Downton Abbey re-visited

I managed to watch the last episode of Downton  Abbey the other night, the principal event being Carter  the butler marrying Mrs Hughes. (Poor woman, imagine having to put up with that pompous bore every day for the rest of your life!)

Probably best not to imagine their honeymoon, (I’m a sensitive soul and easily upset by heavy pornography), but on the other hand it is quite fun to  think about what could have happened  when  Carter  as newish footman met young Elsie for the first time.  (Yes, that is her name.) In her early days before she became serious and a bit sour I see her as young and a bit cheeky and inclined to cut corners whenever she had the chance,

and Carter being keen to exercise his new authority taking  advice from the old handyman. “What should I do about young Elsie?” He asks him.

“Give her a good spanking. That’s what all those young maids need!” He was told. “That’s what I give them anyway, a good spanking without knickers.”

So Carter cornered young Elsie  and told her that was how he was going to be punished for her naughty ways .

“Well, if you must, Mr Carter.” She said, fixing him with a smile that was still in his heart fifty odd year later when he finally got round to proposing. “Without knickers you say. That sounds exciting!” And obediently took them off.

“What a nice arse!” Carter thought as this was before he had turned into the pompous old git he had become by the time he hit our screens. “A man could have a lot of fun with an arse like that!”

  

and promptly put her over his knee. “Have you been spanked before?”  He asked her and was surprised when she told him that in her last job she had been spanked lots. “What a bad girl you must be then.” He replied. I’ll have to make a thorough job of this one then!" and set to with joy in his heart and a throb in his underpants.

“I hope you’ve earned your lesson!” He said to her when he’d finally let her up, not realising that not only was there a fire in her pretty young bottom, but there was another one in her loins as well.  Feeling suddenly that a lot of work was needed below stairs he went off and  attended to it with his usual attention to detail,

all the while imagining this new and very cheeky young maid with even less on than when he’d been spanking her!

What it did not occur to him was that being spanked by him had really taught young Elsie a lesson, so much so that she also had to go and have a bit of a lie down so she could think about it at length.

But  the thing is, both of them being slaves to the conventions of the time, they felt so guilty about their lustful thoughts and actions that after that they were too shy ever to allude to the incident again. Both became hard working and dutiful and lived blameless lives for the next fifty or so years.

So read this with care and make sure that should you ever find yourself being spanked by a gorgeous young man, make sure you are even more wicked afterwards so you never find yourself living a virtuous and blameless life, which as we all know is nothing but a long slow death!

Girls, in case you didn’t know......

In case there are any girls out there who don’t understand why:-

A) Your boss often threatens to spank you, (not that you EVER

 do anything to plant that idea in his mind) or,

 

B) Your boyfriend does so for the smallest excuse, or

C) Quite a lot of men read this blog 

It’s because it makes them go like this:-  

and let’s face it, anything that makes that happen can’t be such a bad thing.

If of course you're a nice well brought up girl (why shouldn’t you be?) and you think that erections are the Devil's work, then of course it's your duty to help him get rid of it in any way your imagination can come up with.

Go on, make me proud of you!

Jilly Cooper and the lesbian novel

Apparently Jilly Cooper,  that doyenne of Home Counties bonk buster authors is considering writing a new book with lesbian love scenes as “There is so much of it about!”  Well good for you, Jilly and  I hope it sells by the shed load.

It will sell  of course, partially because she’s Jilly Cooper who we all love to bits, but partially because gay or straight, most of us love to dwell on the pleasure of a bit of  steamy girl on girl action.

For the benefit of those of you who are reading this blog for the first  time, I am one of the breed that modern pundits call  “Sexually flexible,”  that is   I’m fundamentally heterosexual but have Sapphic interludes which means I enjoy lesbian erotica as much as anybody. But apart from that, and here I’m not saying anything profound or original, men absolutely love it. They get to fantasise about two gorgeous unclad females fingering and fondling and licking and sucking, in short doing all the things to each other that men want to do to us.

And as most men love the idea of having a threesome, when looking at images of, or reading about two naked nymphs enjoying each other’s bodies, they can fantasise about their being there as well, and being in receipt of their sexual largess.

Most  of my exclusively lesbian friends report the same thing when they tell a man who is showing an interest in them that they are gay, namely an initial reaction of fascinated disbelief, then a period when the men go into  a sort of happy interlude as they try to imagine the sorts of things the female in question gets up to, and then a temporary  re issue of their offers of dinner and the rest, part of them convinced that after a long satisfying fuck from a “real man” like them that  the girl would wake up cured and the two of them could go riding off into the sunset together. I could write a whole blog article about this, but another time.

I do have to say that those of us like me who swing both ways do have a huge advantage when it comes to having a little bit of naughty on the side. Telling George you can’t see him on Wednesday because you’re  having a  girly evening out with young Felicity doesn’t ruffle his feathers at all, and should any snooping friend report to him that they saw you in a trendy wine bar the other evening, sure enough you weren’t there with  some flashing eyed Lothario but with pretty young Felicity as you said. What you and Felicity got up to when you got back to her  flat afterwards is another matter entirely.

If he knew I’m sure he would be quite turned on by it and/or punish you appropriately, but that’s yet another benefit of being sexually omnivorous.

And a of bit of a confession. I did a post recently on the Sexy Innocent, and at least two of my special  friends easily fit that  description, overwhelmingly cute and prone to get themselves in trouble, so not difficult for me to find flimsy excuses to expose and spank their mischievous little bottoms.

The relevance of this is that almost certainly more than half of the spanking images on the internet are girl on girl. As  I am convinced that in one of Ms Cooper’s early books her female narrator finds herself being spanked over the knee of some  dominant boyfriend, if she decides to include a spanking scene with one of her lesbian couples it would certainly guarantee her an even bigger readership!

Waking the sleeper

Strange how we can go through periods when our libidos are quiet and undemanding, hardly stirring our minds or our loins, then suddenly come to fierce life as a result of some unexpected  stimulation, neither looked for nor anticipated. It could simply be the sight of a stranger in the distance, someone blessed with a quirky attractiveness that captures our imagination. 

Maybe the sight of a particularly beautiful pair of legs when one did not expect it,

or a sudden and unexpected sexy interlude in an otherwise bland film watched on television,

so our flesh quickens and involuntarily our questing fingers seek out satisfaction.

Best of all is the flash of an eye from an unexpected quarter, or the brush of a hand against our own. Nothing might come of it, but it lingers in the mind and we seek out  time alone to re-create in our mind what it did to us, arching and mewling in pleasure as we remember. 

  

Or maybe this contact  is something we can pursue, following up the tentative connection in the hope that fantasy might become reality, and the  word become a kiss,

the kiss moving on to the first tentative exposure of  flesh,

and then on to something else entirely.

But if it  doesn’t, we can still dream!

An Awfully Big Adventure

Odd the way things seem to follow you around. I’m current reading An Awfully Big Adventure by the wonderful Beryl Bainbridge  about a young girl who is little more than a dogsbody in her local theatre and hoping to start a career as an actress. (I think it is loosely based on a chapter in Beryl Bainbridge’s own young life.)

Not only does the poor girl have to endure having a sweaty old man make her put her hand in his flies and bring him to sticky climax in the back seat of a cinema, but there is more as well. There’s a couple of references to one of the actors constantly grabbing her, then putting her across his knee and smacking her bottom.

The girl doesn’t really mind and suspects (clearly correctly) that it’s motivated by the same urges that lead the old man to having her play with his willy.

How much of this actually happened to Ms Bainbridge herself? I’ve no idea so I’ll have to read a biography and find out.

Can I mention that a film has been made of the book with a sterling cast that includes Hugh Grant and Alan Rickman.  It’s very obscure and hard to track down but well worth the effort as I thoroughly enjoyed it.

The sexy innocent

My correspondent  James very kindly sent me some images of a carton female of whom I’d never even heard,  Jane, who I’ve now discovered used to  appear in the Daily Mirror. Jane was  a girl who was always getting herself into some sort of mischief and as a result ending up in her lingerie or less to the delight of the readers.

She appeared from 1932  to 1959 so at a guess I would say, leaving aside Henry Fielding’s Moll Flanders she could  arguably be the first example of that character we all love, the sexy innocent.

I’ve given you  couple of examples of the sexy innocent already, Carrie, and Maghela, and the sort of character that Madeline Smith tended to play in her films,  but there are  lots more.

The most classic example of the sexy innocent has to be the Barbara Windsor character in  Carry on Camping, petite  chirpy and busty , and the one whose bra was destined to shoot off during an exercise routine and giving everybody a micro flash of her cute titties while she gasped in horror.

This brief sequence  summed up what the sexy innocent is all about. The sexy innocent never forgets her mascara, and rarely forgets her suspenders,

but all to easily could forget her knickers.

All her clothes are too tight, too short, and too see through, and it never occurs to her that there is anything wrong with wearing a skirt so short it scarcely cover her bottom, or a top so low cut the world is mesmerised by the sight of her oversized boobs.

Weather she appears in a cartoon or on celluloid, whatever token clothing the sexy innocent  had on at the beginning is sure to be largely lost or torn by at least part  way through, and depending on the audience the narrative is aimed at, often lost completely.

The natural habitat of the sexy innocent is climbing over fences,

or perching on the top of high ladders guaranteeing us voyeurs a good eyeful of underwear and more.

The sexy innocent will always be in the  wrong place at the wrong time, misinterpreting what any occasion is all about.  

The sexy innocent is a disaster area, an accident waiting to happen and we her adoring public can’t wait for her next humiliation. The sexy innocent is destined to answer the front door when she’s forgotten she’s only half dressed,

Or to be at the exact place where there is a sudden gust of wind,

and of course, being the girl who always knocks over the paint or breaks the window, the sexy innocent is always finding herself being spanked.

She’ll be spanked for pretending to be a schoolgirl and being found out,

she’ll be spanked by her room mate for using all the milk,

she’ll be spanked by her boyfriend for losing most of her clothes at an important dinner,

and she’ll be  spanked by complete strangers for causing all sorts of  disaster and mayhem.

The thing about the sexy innocent is that she is never  resentful of any of this and starts out on each new adventure with a  smile on her face and her head  full of happy optimism.

And that’s why I for one really love her. My one complaint about all this? Where is the sexy innocent male we girls can fantasise about and have a good laugh over when he’s  caught washing his willy or only wearing a short vest? Nowhere, because there isn’t  one! Blatant sexism!     

We can all make mistakes!

When I first saw this image, not looking at it too closely I thought that it was one young girl stimulating another with a soft tawse, but looking at it more closely I realized my mistake. Protruding from the standing  female’s middle is a small but perfect  stiffy, so this girl is in fact a man. The pose is so graceful and the features so feminine that I hope I can be excused my mistake.

Just once in the past I had a lover like this, slim graceful and very gorgeous with long curling eyelashes. He was overwhelmingly not gay but his feminine side was very much to the fore, rather like Cherubino in the Marriage of Figaro .

I normally go in for strong masculine men, but he was a pleasant change and we spent hours over gossipy dinners and buying fripperies from expensive shops, all the things girls enjoy doing with their occasional gay friends, but with him it was followed by love making that was both sweet and very satisfying, completely free from the menace that sometimes accompanies it with the dominant male type.

As variety is the spice of life, I won’t pretend I don’t miss him.